well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
