so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We're too hungover to prance.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
