she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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