My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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