I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
