i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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