i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
