He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
