Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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