Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
