I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
