margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
