There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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