you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
