I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
