You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize