You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
