You can't motorboat a personality
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
