Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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