booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
