hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
