Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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