LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
