My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
