the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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