I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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