Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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