i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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