Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
