tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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