Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
