Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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