I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
