I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
