I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
