just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
