The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
