there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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