is your mom at the bar?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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