I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I love having hate sex.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
