Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
