You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
