I just pynch a tree in the face
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
