I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
