You just made me feel so damn special
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
