can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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