I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
