just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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