so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
