I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just gargled with NyQuil
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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