I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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