better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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