At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's blow job season.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
