i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
