alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
