I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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