so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
