There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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