thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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