Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
