She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
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Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize