Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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