i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You can't motorboat a personality
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
