I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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