the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
