I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
