Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
