you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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