I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
