Got a toothbrush?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You are a genius and a whore.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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