i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
