is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
