i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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