i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
