We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
