dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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