i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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