She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
