You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You pole danced in your parka.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
