help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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