Screwed.edu
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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